What went wrong Pt2

An excerpt of symptons of a person with a low self esteem/confidence..

Its sad but these descriptions depict my inner most thoughts about myself....

Example : "Having been betrayed by those closest to them as children and often by the people they should have been most able to trust and rely on, those with low self esteem are confused about—and unable to discern who and when to trust..." AND...."She may reject compliments, and even criticize people who compliment her, for having low standards or for misjudging her..." AND SOME MORE...."her lack of significance, and then engages in irrational and distorted self-statements that bring on additional negative feelings."

gosh, i could keep going... but instead of posting the whole article... check it out : http://getesteem.com/lse-symptoms/cognitive.html

Help Me Believe

. . .Kirk Franklin's song said it best....

I wanna believe
But I'm having a hard time seeing past what I see right now, I see right now
I wanna be free
But when I try to fly I realize I don't know how, no one showed me how
Wish I could see that this mess I'm in will really work out for my good, you said it would
So, if you can hear me, can you give me a sign cause I don't feel you like I should, please if you could
My faith is almost gone, I can't hold on much longer, take this cup from me


Help Me Believe
Can I believe
Let Me believe
I wanna believe
I'm no good on my own, please give me another chance
It's hard to believe in what I can't see
To give you my will cause you're what's better for
You can look in my eyes and see I wanna believe, believe, believe, believe

.....Jesus you know how it feels cause you've been hurt before, don't wanna hurt no more
I'm trying to hear you speak, but my heart is growing weaker, take this cup from me

Where did I go wrong?

At some point in my life my self-esteem hit rock bottom. I don't know what caused it. Was it a set of events that triggered these overwhelming thoughts of self hatred and low confidence? Is it genetics? Is it the depression? Is it the constant and dramatic weight gain? I don't know. . .

Will I ever get to a point where I love myself? Will I ever love what I see in the mirror? Will I ever stop comparing myself? Will I ever be happy in my own skin?

Depression Strikes Again

It keeps coming back..and i keep fighting....who's gonna win this round?

OFF topic

Love the visual!

My Dream Job

Finding a man is like finding a job. If I can just get an interview I know I'll get the job... Apparently my resume isn't good enough.. . . So many individuals with better looking resumes. I know I have what it takes to make it but I am always overlooked. Am I overqualified? Is my resume not appealing or attractive?


Apparently, the job market is tough right now. Very few jobs with lots of people looking.. .

I've been unemployed for several years. I've had few temporary low paying jobs but nothing permanent. My previous jobs wanted me to work hard for little pay and wanted me to complete task without the title... Very frustrating. . .Gosh! When will I ever land my dream job?

Updates. . .

I've been away for sometime. At first I had nothing to share. Then I was afraid to put my thoughts out here. Then I didn't wanna share bcuz I felt like I had let myself down....

I am confused. Lost. And back to being depressed and overweight.

I will provide details later this evening...

Sorry.